Riding your bike naked, I mean.  I suppose if you get one of those extra-wide seats it wouldn’t bee too bad.  But really, why would you want to?  Well….I guess some people want to.  Apparently they do it in Portland all the time.

Up to 1200 nude bike riders join in the local annual world naked bike ride that last occurred on June, 14, 2008.

Note to self:  Don’t go to Portland in June.  And also don’t ride the bus in Portland, ever.  Apparently one is allowed to do that naked also.  You can see the whole AP piece here.

Clothes were invented for a reason, people!  Nobody wants to see all your private bits while trying to get to work.

I know, I know…repressed conservative and all that.  But really, if we’re being honest mostly the people that do this should really keep their clothes on.  If nude beaches are any example, that is…

Right?

I know it’s always risky when a person buys a house at an auction. But one would think that a mansion that costs millions would at least be in some state of repair.

But now…this poor schmuck bought his next door neighbor’s house and he’s stuck with:

Piles of feces were found in every room in the home, the two tubs in the master suite were covered in at least two inches of fecal matter, and pet food was littered around the house.

According to the article, there were more than 100 cats and dogs running around the house, with at least 23 more dead animals in the garage and elsewhere.

Seriously….at what point did the couple become immune to the whole smell and feces thing? Why were they still even living there? And if they cared so much about animals why didn’t they try and find them a decent place to live instead of tossing them into the garage as they died?

Geez…some people. Some things I just will never understand.

Also….this is a lesson for buyers looking for a cheap deal. If you’re bidding on a place and the current owners won’t let you past the front door to take a look around and you notice a strange smell around the the property, you probably should move on to the next opportunity. Seriously, the guy had to have smelled SOMETHING, don’t you think?

But shocking? Apparently so. A couple in Wisconsin found a dead body during a home tour.

This real estate agent will likely do a house check before letting her prospective customers tour on their own from now on — after a couple happened upon a homeowner in bed — dead.

Um….yeah. I don’t really understand why the selling agent didn’t check things out with the owner before agreeing to the showing in the first place. Isn’t it standard practice to at least check with the owner first before giving an unknown agent and potential buyers the keys to the place?

Anyway, the whole thing’s just creepy.

Lesson #1: If you’re gonna go dumpster diving in your next door neighbor’s trash can, make sure to do it before other neighbors return from taking their kids to school.

When I got home from taking The Boy to school today, my “nosy neighbor” (you probably have one…the neighbor that lets you know your sprinklers are on too long or your outside light was on all night) was removing an old sprinkler and a hose from one of our other neighbor’s trash cans.

Seriously, who does that? It’s not as if she and her family are in the poor house – we do live in a respectable neighborhood. Here’s the really weird part….as I left to head to school with The Boy, her youngest boy was out on their driveway looking toward the dumpster of interest. What, did she dispatch him to do recon before she headed out to do the deed? The whole thing was just creepy.

I guess I should be careful about what I put in MY dumpster…who knows when she’ll get around to mine….or if she already has. Well, we do provide a nice collection of wine bottles from South America….

I was desperately scanning articles to find something to write about since it has turned cold again and I was not inspired in the least to even take the blanket off and sit at the computer. Especially since I just finished watching Hollywoodland. It is not a good movie. It’s not. It’s dark, boring, and slow. And repetitive. And boring. Did I say boring? Well it’s boring. Very.

Anyway….I ran across this article about a “gum-sharing” experiment that happened in public school. PUBLIC…SCHOOL!!

To demonstrate how sexually transmitted diseases are spread, a visiting speaker invited students to share gum in health classes at four county high schools in December and last month. School officials said a total of about 100 students participated in the lessons, although some declined to chew the gum.

Wait….WHAT?! They took turns passing around a piece of gum, spreading germs from one kid to the next? Oh yes, they did.

“It was fine for me, because my best friend and me did it first,” said Julia Bellefleur….

I’m with Julia. I mean if you’re gonna do such a thing it might as well be with just your best friend before everyone else does it.

But seriously? I can’t BELIEVE teachers, who are supposed to be aware of the danger of spreading disease in school, stood by and let this happen.

Doesn’t anyone vet these people and their programs before they come and speak at schools? Well in this case either they did and they’re not saying because they would look even worse, or they didn’t because they were just glad to let someone else handle the class and the thought never crossed their mind. I’m guessing it’s the latter, unfortunately.

Regardless….I’d like to think that The Boy would be smart enough to say no to the gum, even if he thought he’d get detention for it.

Yuck.

And gross.

And just plain dangerous to the health of those kids.

Shame on them.

Shame on all of them…..the teachers, the principal, and most especially the volunteers “teaching” the program.

Have you heard the latest? Seems that some gyms have decided to cater to the nudist community by arranging special exercise days just for them.

Nude exercisers would be required to put towels down on weight machines and to use disposable seat covers while riding bikes. All machines would be cleaned and disinfected afterward.

Ya know….I can look the other way and use the anti-bacterial wipes to wash away the imprints of certain male (and…eww…female parts) that somehow manage to impress themselves through sweaty exercise gear and onto the weight machine seats. That’s yucky enough.

But…come ON, people!!!! Actually letting people use the machines without a stitch on? We all know that even though you’re supposed to use a towel at the gym, many do not. Unfortunately, poor gym etiquette seems to rule the day for most. I can’t think it would be any different among the nudists… people are people.

This is just so gross I can’t even think about it anymore. I’m glad I don’t go to the gym in Amsterdam!!

Being the parent of a gifted child can be a challenge at times. You see, gifted kids have this undeniable need for knowledge, and it seems that if they don’t learn something new every day they become bored and moody – basically really hard to get along with.

Lately The Boy has been talking about things he’s seen in a show on Discovery called “Man vs. Wild”. The show he watched earlier this week featured Bear (the host) being dropped onto an icy mountain where he basically showed viewers how it was possible to survive for days with little to no provisions. The Boy basically memorized all the survival type things he learned from the show…like how to build a snow cave, how to warm up snow to make water, how to ice fish, how to efficiently use your time, etc. Sounds interesting, right?

So tonight there wasn’t much going on (Tommy’s off to Buenos Aires again) and the show was on. Have you seen it? Well, now I have. And I can basically sum the thing up in the title of this post…yucky, yet informative. Tonight Bear was dropped in the middle of the Sahara in northern Kenya. He had just a knife, a flint, and a bottle of water. The first bit was more about how and when to walk in the desert, how to avoid wild animals, how to find medicinal herbs…that kind of thing.

Well, I think The Boy knew what was coming. He said something like “Mom, you know there’s some pretty gross stuff in this show. Last week, Bear bit into a trout to break its spine and fish guts spewed all over the place.”

But the thought of fish guts SO did not prepare me for what I saw tonight. This Bear guy is hard-core. About half way through the show he got dehydrated, and he remembered a trick an old Ranger told him about. He found a fresh pile of elephant dung, held it over his mouth…and squeezed. That’s right. He basically drank elephant crap juice. I’m not kidding about this…I damn near threw up right then and there.

The Boy said something like “See, mom. It ain’t pretty, but he actually does teach you how to survive if you need to.” I guess I can take some comfort in the knowledge he will drink elephant crap juice if he needs to, but the very thought even now makes my stomach clench. Yuck.

Then the guy got hungry. And yippee!! He saw a bunch of really full vultures that were so big from what they ate they could no longer fly. He found a “fresh” Zebra carcass that had been picked clean by lions and vultures…almost. Yes, that’s right. He found some meat still on the thing. And he ate it raw on camera, taking some along with him in his pockets for later. Again – yuck. It doesn’t beat seeing the elephant crap juice thing but it was pretty bad.

So, to summarize…Man vs. Wild is indeed yucky, yet informative. We (The Boy and I) now know how to avoid elephants, rhinos, and hippos, what plant to use on a fire to keep mosquitoes away, how to get “water” and meat if we need it, to walk at night instead of during the heat of the day, and that you need to follow the water upstream instead of downstream if you’re in a desert environment.

I’m not sure I’d recommend the show after eating a homemade pizza when you’re working on getting rid of a headache you’ve had all day. But you will learn something if you watch it.

Now…where the hell did I put the Tums?

Every time I turn on the T.V. it seems they are reporting yet another food poisoning incident at a restaurant. Taco Bell’s been in the news the past few days. Now we hear this about an Olive Garden.

INDIANAPOLIS — More than 250 people have been reported becoming sick after eating at an Indianapolis Olive Garden restaurant, a county health official said on Friday….

Seriously, if you’re hungry you might want to eat a bowl of cereal or make yourself a sandwich. Even microwave meals would be better than the risk we take by going out to bacteria-laden mainstream eating establishments.

Excuse me while I go buy some food I can cook myself. Because nobody needs what Taco Bell and Olive Garden have added to their menus lately, do they?

Okay, all I can say is I’m very sad for the victim in this case – and of course their family..but…ewwwww:

A speeding car driven by a naked woman high on drugs hit and killed a pedestrian in the New York City borough of Staten Island

For God’s sake, put some clothes on before you get in the car. I can’t believe she wasn’t also charged with indecency, or something…whatever the law is for being disrobed in a public place.

Maybe the air from the vent distracted her while she was driving…without clothes…in a public place. Ewww.

I can’t believe someone wrote a whole article on this…quotes and everything…but since they did, I guess I’ll weigh in on the subject.

The question is…do real men wear flip-flops? Personally, I’ve never been a big fan of the things except maybe at the beach or the pool. Most of them look really cheap, and the attention most people (especially men) pay to their feet does not in any way, shape or form warrant any type of open-toed shoe….flip-flops or otherwise. Steve Kemble of Dallas says:

“No one wants to look at a man’s dirty, hairy, nasty toes. And whenever you see a man wearing flip-flops, 90 percent are not groomed toes — that probably hurt the cause of flip-flops more than anything else.”

Spot-on, as far as I’m concerned. The article also mentions the whole metro-sexual stigma of flip-flops. I know some men a few years ago were buying high-dollar, more fashionable flip-flops. You’d see them around Dallas here and there. I always thought they looked strange, especially since some men would wear them with expensive linen pants or whatever.

And for me, since I travel some, the invasion of flip-flops on travelers’ feet has become a huge problem. Nasty, hairy, unkempt, smelly feet in the things, which are then taken off so passengers can then put said unsanitary feet on seats, in the aisles, hanging in the air for all to smell and see. Yes, a true treat when traveling…NOT!!!!!

So here is a list of people and places that in which/on flip-flops should never see the light of day:

1. People with hairy toes.

2. People with yellow, scaly feet.

3. Women with old, chipped nail polish on their toes.

4. The airport.

5. The opera.

6. Any city street.

7. The work place.

8. Restaurants.

9. With pants (man or woman).

10. The grocery store (how gross is it to see nasty, unkempt feet in flip-flops and hear them smacking along behind you when you’re trying to shop for food?).

12. The gas station (safety first).

13. WAL-MART!! (but I suppose if you consider the extra, extra, extra large spandex shorts and tube tops and wife-beaters you see there flip-flops would be the least of your concerns if you had to shop there).

14. School.

Oh hell, let’s face it. My list could go on forever. For me, I don’t think anyone should ever wear flip-flops at any time unless it’s at the beach or at the pool or at the salon while getting a pedicure…and then only if their feet are not so nasty as to cause instant illness in anyone in the general vicinity.

That is all.