I’ve been going to the same nail lady for years. She is half Vietnamese, half African-American – near as I can tell. She showed me a picture of her “adopted father” who sponsored her and her children to the U.S. many years ago once. He looked like a very nice man and was surrounded by a big, happy family. She was also in the picture. Her wiry hair and somewhat-off nose and dark complexion tell me she is probably part of that family.
Anyway…..as I said, she is a legally sponsored immigrant who came to the U.S. back in the early 90’s. She brought with her one son who was born in Vietnam, a second son who was born in the Philippines, and a deadbeat husband.
She works very had in the nail shop she manages. She owns a house. She pays her taxes. She has been studying for her citizenship test so she can become a full citizen and grandfather her two boys with her papers so she will not have to worry about them being deported.
Immigrants are told they should blend into our culture while honoring what they wish of their own. My nail lady is a very devout Buddhist, and by nature she is a hard worker. In Vietnam where she grew up, times were hard for everyone and they all had to pull together to put food on the table. At the age of seven, she went to work hauling water from the well for more well-off families in the neighborhood. She has been working ever since. She was raised by her grandmother and has never said a word about her father. It’s my guess that this is because her mother was ashamed to have a daughter that was of another race. But I don’t know that for sure.
She came to America to provide her kids with opportunities she never had and never will have. She has worked hard to learn the language, please her customers, and put a roof over her kids’ head and food on their table. She sends the kids to school and tries to ask them about their grades, but is unable to comprehend their classes or the language well enough to check their homework. Her kids have melded into the American culture. And that is not necessarily a good thing when there is a deadbeat dad and a hard-working mom in the house.
Because, you see…her kids are in trouble. Like many moms who work all day and are married to lazy husbands who sometimes work and care nothing about what the children do, she has little time to supervise what her teenagers are up to.
Her husband let her oldest son drive their car without a license. He has been arrested three times doing this. The police tell her that if it happens after he turns 18 (which is not too far away), he could be deported.
Her second son has decided he does not want to live with her anymore. She has no idea where he is living, but is afraid to have the police find him and risk his getting a police record and possible deportment later. However…at least the second son is attending school and keeping his grades up. But she worries about him constantly.
Recently, her oldest boy and oldest girl got into a fight. The girl wound up in the hospital for treatment. She is in the 9th grade. And during the exam they found that she is pregnant. She is keeping the baby. Their religion does not allow for on-demand abortions.
About the only thing that hasn’t happened to this poor woman is one of her kids getting hooked on drugs. And who knows? Maybe the second son is? She has no way of knowing. Last week, she told me she believes she has been dealt this hand in this life because she did something bad in a previous life. So she expects that these bad things will continue to happen until the day she dies and has finished paying for what she did in that other life. So sad.
My nail lady, unfortunately, is experiencing the bad side of the American dream. Yes, her standard of living is much higher than it was in Vietnam. But she is not equipped to handle the bad influences that surround her children while she is at work. And like many American women, she is married to a leech of a loser that each and every day takes advantage of the money she works so hard to earn while refusing to provide leadership for the family. So now she is working toward getting her house sold and her credit debt paid off so she can divorce her husband and remove him from the household.
I do what I can for her. I listen to her. I try to giver her advice. I taught her how to cook a Thanksgiving turkey. A couple of years ago, I helped her find an English as a Second Language class to take at the High School Annex. And of course, I tip her very well.
But I wonder what will happen to her children, who do not respect her or a culture that demands respect for parents, kindness toward others, and a good work ethic. And I hope that she stays in good health as she is the only breadwinner in her house. She still has one more child that is younger. She hopes that somehow she can make sure that child stays safe and grows up honoring the values she has tried to teach all of her kids. It’s my hope that once her husband is out of the picture, maybe this can happen.
She is an immigrant. Her “adopted” dad is an American. Hopefully one day she can find some peace in this country and will be able to spend time with children that have learned from their mistakes and have made good lives for themselves here.
So, how well do you know your nail lady or your hairdresser? Their stories can be pretty amazing. If you don’t do this already, on your next appointment ask your person how they are and what their kids are up to. I think you’ll be surprised at what you hear. And maybe in some way you will be able to help them with their struggles. We all have them. Even nail ladies.
