I admit it, I’m totally obsessed. Lately here in the Average household we likes us some guacamole!!!

Now…..you can get some avocados and you can get some of that packaged dry mix and you can almost feel like you’re having guacamole when you mix the two together.

But me? Not so much.

After many weeks, I have FINALLY perfected the perfect (for me) guacamole. Now, keep in mind the mixture of ingredients has a lot to do with:

a. My mood.

b. How much I’ve had to drink.

c. Whether or not I’ve worked out that day.

Having said that, here (approximately) is what I do to make a perfect (for me) guacamole:

1. You need four of the smaller avocados, and you have to squeeze them before you buy….they have to have some give to them (I like less give than the spouse, so I usually get two firmer and two softer to be fair).

2. Cut the avocados in half, pit them, and scoop them into a bowl.

3. Take a medium sized lime, roll it, cut it in half, and then squeeze the hell out of one half so all the juice is on the avocados for to make sure they do not turn brown.

4. Ya gotsta have some red onion. Oh, I dunno…about a heaping tablespoon of the stuff, finely chopped (maybe more, maybe less).

5. Also, some cilantro. Fresh. Chop it fine. About one tablespoon.

6. Cumin!! Ever wonder what’s missing from your guac? Well, it’s cumin. Trust me. 1/3 – 1/2 tsp…enough so’s ya know there’s some smoke in the mix.

7. Freshly cracked black peppercorns…I usually go about 10-12 cracks.

8. Fine sea salt (you know…the stuff in the blue container). A few shakes.

9. Drizzle a little extra virgin olive oil over the stuff. It will make it smooth and creamy. Yum.

10. Chunky Pace Picante Sauce…Hot. Trust me, you need it. About two tablespoons.

11. Use a fork and mash the whole thing up.

12. Cover your bowl with saran wrap, put it in the fridge, and surf blogs for at least 30 minutes.

13. Open a fresh beer or pour a fresh margarita.

14. Open a bag of these.

15. And have at your guacamole!!

Enjoy!!!

P.S. You need to use #14 to taste your creation to make sure it’s right before you chill. I always find myself adding more cumin and/or hot sauce depending on my mood.

Seriously…..we live like 1/3 mile from a new shopping center that’s been built a few blocks away. It started with a new Kroger signature store. Which….how great is that? New, better employees and it’s so close that it’s nothing to run down there if you forgot an ingredient. Nice.

And then….they put in a Starbuck’s. Which…..when I was working I SO would have gone to each and every morning. There are lot of people that work around here, so I’m sure that store will be here to stay. I like their Cafe Mocha. Mmmmmm.

And then they got a Subway. Subway. Who doesn’t want a sammich now and then?

Oh, there’s also some weird deal sushi place that I’m sure a lot of people like. And a Karate place (I guess the Sushi place came in to serve the Karate types). And a Dentist. And a kid haircut place (there’s a LOT of little kids around here….seems like 9/11 spurred a baby boom!!). And a place called Doggie Loft….hasn’t opened yet but I’m assuming grooming and boarding and the like. For pampered pets for people with decent incomes. We prolly would have used it when our dog was here. And we have a pack and ship mail place. I think that will come in handy around Christmas!

And now….we have…..Le Peep!!!!! Ever been there? Seriously, good breakfast, brunch and a little bit of lunch. Place closes at two but who doesn’t need a nice sit-down breakfast place within walking distance (okay for us walking distance like in the fall and winter but in July it’s driving distance ‘cuz it’s so freakin’ hot and humid)?

Soon….. we will have Pollo Salsa. They will have an outside eating area and beer and margaritas. Who doesn’t need a place to go drink and eat chicken that’s less than a mile away? Now we can BOTH drink and The Boy can safely walk us home.

There’s also a wing and pizza and American eatery type place with outdoor seating coming in. Stone Cold Creamery is SUPPOSED to be there but I haven’t seen a sign yet….

Yes, all that within walking distance. I hope the Pollo Salsa is open come fall/winter. Who doesn’t like a brisk walk to dinner and back while being able to drink as much as they like at dinner without a designated driver?

Nice…..

I think the gym will be seeing a lot of me in the coming months……..

You know…(ashamed whisper)….Big Brother?

Because who in their right mind would sill be watching, right?

Yeah, right. I have a spouse who had a hernia that hurt, got an operation, and now can’t move around all that well. I’m not saying I’ve been house-bound or anything, but I do feel like I should hang around in case he really does need anything (which is rare).

So anyway, lots of T.V. watching and asking if someone needs anything (which they rarely do and I have to practically channel Radar O’Reilly to guess what he needs so he doesn’t try and do it himself).

Not much on right now, is there?

USA has a good new show…”Burn Notice”. And of course there’s “Rescue Me” and “Big Love” and “SYTYCD” (if you don’t know, I’m not gonna spell it out for you). I like “Don’t Forget the Lyrics” but I can’t stand “Singing Bee”.

And then there’s Big Brother 8. When the first show came on, I thought – no way will this hold my interest. I HATE EVERYBODY!! But as with anything…..even crappy shows….after a while it sucks you in. So here are my thoughts so far in a list:

1. Evil Dick is my hero! Who DOESN’T just wanna say whatever they’re thinking as they’re thinking it? I LOVE how he talks to Jen!

2. Speaking of Jen….HATE HER. H-A-T-E HER!! I, me, I, me, my……..waste of oxygen that one.

3. Kail…..stupid…and boring.

4. Jessica…..Princess.

5. Daniele….WAY smarter than she looks or acts.

6. I know this because….yes….I admit it…..I’ve been tuning into the SHOTOO stuff at night sometimes (okay, a little each night but it doesn’t rule my life).

7. Joe…..glad he’s gone!

8. Dustin…I actually like him for some reason. Don’t know why really. But would he change out of that ratty old grey t-shirt already?

9. Amber – town crier. Can’t be trusted. Plus she needs to lay off the mascara.

10. Mike – very quiet game player but it’s coming to light that he actually does have a plan.

11. Nick – player. Poor Daniele.

12. Zach – although it wasn’t unpleasant to watch him streak last night….I really don’t have much use for the guy. He’s a liar, and not even a good one at that.

13. I LOVE JAMEKA!! She’s so funny.

14. Eric. Go get on those tasks, boy! I actually feel sorry for him because really he’s not allowed to play the game since he just has to do what people say.

15. Carol who?

The Boy started watching with me the first couple of shows, and now he just asks me for a recap once in a while. Not even interesting enough to hold a 13-year-old’s interest even though there are bikinis and showers.

I’m hoping I will lose interest soon because I really do feel like a total moron for watching it. Oh well…time to go check on my reluctant patient.

Continuing my desire for services, the latest project is to get the sprinkler system in our yard completely re-done (along with various other stone edging and flagstone pathway and drain type yard work).

They started on Monday morning (before we even got up, actually). By 10:00 a.m. they had cut through our Verizon FIOS line. Guess what? That meant no Internets, no T.V., and no phone!! Yup, we were SO screwed. The company that marked the spot was like two feet off. and Verizon has so much business and there is so much construction going on in yards this summer, it took them almost two days to get to us. By 5:00 or so today we had everything back on.

What is so damn hard about testing where the line is and marking the right spot? A couple years ago, Comcast was putting in its hi-speed junk on our street – box just happens to be right around where all our utilities are. They cut through our water line to the house; then when they were repairing said water line they cut the GAS line to the house!! I don’t know what’s worse…the poor marking or the poor repair work once the marking has been found to be wrong!

I really wanna know what the hell is so hard about marking a spot in the RIGHT place, and then doing your work around it.

I guess I should be thankful it was only two entire business days and three calls later…and can I just say how ANNOYING is the Verizon FIOS customer service line? I HATE that f*(&^%$ computer!!!!!! Still like FIOS stuff, but I HATE their customer service set-up.

I wonder if utility companies EVER mark the right spot…always seems to be the wrong spot. At least around here…..

On the upside, the sprinkler system is in, and the landscaping will be done by next Tuesday!

Yes, it was finally sunny this weekend in Dallas! It’s amazing how a little time outside enjoying the sunshine and fresh air while swimming can improve your mood.

It’s also amazing how rain and clouds every day for weeks can put in a mood most foul.

When I’m in one of those weather-generated funks I rarely get creative when I cook and there are no extra goodies.

But now I’ve been in the sun some for the past two days…and….I cooked!!

I made Tommy guacamole with fresh ingredients (not the packaged stuff). Well, I made it for me too. It was yummy. The avocados were in a perfect state of ripeness.

Then I made banana bread from scratch.

Then I made fudgy brownies (not from scratch because really why would you when the Duncan Hines stuff is so good?).

All in one afternoon!

And now I am making baked tortellini…yum.

Why does being the sun make me wanna cook? Don’t know. I’m sure Tommy and The Boy don’t care. As long as they get the good stuff, right?

Sunshine + cooking = yummy!

Well, apparently, thousands of Sprint customers have been fired.

The No. 3 U.S. wireless provider with 53 million customers said Monday it started sending service termination letters on June 25. Sprint said the cancellations involved 1,000 to 1,200 customers who had called the company about 40,000 times a month in total.

Wow. Kind of makes you think twice about the calls you make to customer service, doesn’t it?

Years ago, I worked for a high-tech company that was experiencing the heavy burden of customer care for many customers that brought in little revenue. They basically “fired” 90 percent of their customers, sending them letters directing them to distributors that could re-sell the product to them and told them they no longer had a direct relationship with the company. They kept their top 10% of money-making customers which had the least amount of service issues. At the time, I thought it made good business sense. And, at least the dissed customers were given contact information for people that could sell them the same product with at least a certain level of service.

But at the time I did think about how I treated service people and what repercussions could ensue if I was a “bad” customer.

Look, people. It ain’t rocket science. All you have to do is think about whether or not your problem is worth making a call, and if you do make the call just be sure you treat the person on the other end of the line with a certain level of respect. That’s really all it takes to make sure you don’t get fired by your service provider.

Hey, I’ll make it even more simple for you:

1. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

2. Don’t be rude.

That is all.

Help!!!! Yesterday was the “big day” and on our birthdays we all get to choose what the family does. He is a little old for birthday parties, so this year he decided he wanted:

1. Sleep late (this didn’t work out so well for him because the cat woke him up to wish him a happy birthday around 10:45).

2. Eat donuts – check.

3. Have parents make pile of unwrapped gifts and cards in the middle of the floor for to read and play with – done.

4. Go watch Transformers – taken care of (and can I just say that Bumblebee rocks?).

5. Have mom make from-scratch angel food cake (it was a pain, but I did it) – check.

6. Eat early dinner at Outback – Yum.

7. Eat as much angel food cake as stomach can handle while playing with new Nerf sniper rifle and XBox 360 games – fun.

8. Bask in the glory of being a teenager until past 1:00 a.m. – mission accomplished.

Oh..by the way….when the summer started (for us at the end of May), he was at least an inch and a half shorter than me. Now he is at least a half inch taller than me.

My baby’s growing up.

I say again…help!

But I can say that heavy perfume or bad perfume or cologne can definitely do a number on my ability to breathe. I can definitely sympathize with this woman where the strong perfume is concerned:

McBride, who joined the planning department in 2000, says problems started a year ago when the co-worker, who isn’t identified in the lawsuit, transferred into her department.

“This employee not only wore a strong scent, but also plugged in a scented room deodorizer,” the lawsuit states. “Ms. McBride was overcome by the smell almost instantly, causing her to go home sick.”

McBride alleges the scents forced her to miss significant time from work, require medical treatment, and to suspend fertility treatments because of other medications she has to take, according to The Detroit News.

Look, we’ve all had to remove ourselves from the presence of a woman in really strong perfume when out in public. This happens to me sometimes at the gym (seriously, who wears perfume to work out?!).

And just last year on our way back from Argentina, a woman in the row in front of me on the plane sprayed perfume over the seat and directly in my face. I would up short of breath, and two days later the doctor put me on a two week cycle of steroids to help clear up my lungs. Yes, strong perfume CAN be a problem for some. I know that from personal experience.

I’m not sure what the whole story is with this law suit. There had to be a reason why the woman felt the need to put a room deodorizer in there AND wear the strong perfume. Who knows? Maybe the woman that filed the suit really smells and she was trying to mask the odor? We’ll never know.

I do believe the woman could have had major health issues with the perfume if she’s allergic to it. I’m not sure if fertility treatments work with steroids or other allergy treatments.

But really, if it’s THAT bad and there is no remedy…..for the sake of her own health…..I’m not sure why a law suit was the answer vs. just getting another job. I don’t think we can dictate these things in the work place as employees. Sure, we can ask nicely and get management involved if need be. But insist that nobody wears any perfume or cologne in the work place at all? Ever? I don’t think so…. what do you think? Should people be able to sue over something like this?

Well…hello, hi…..here I am, your friendly neighborhood broken water heater drain spout fixer. I wasn’t a drain spout fixer before, but I am now.

It’s really quite easy to become a broken water heater drain spout fixer. You really only need a few things in your favor:

1. You have to be cheap. I HATE paying plumbers or any type of service people to fix stuff in the house. They’re too expensive and I always feel like I’m getting ripped off (even if I’m not).

2. You have to be impatient. I don’t have the time to wait for some yucky old sweaty dude that smells like smoke with his butt crack hanging out his pants to find the time to drive out to my house and fix the damn water heater.

3. You have to be smart and marry a guy that knows a little bit about how to fix a lot of things. He taught me that if it’s already broken I can’t break it any worse, so why not give it a try?

Okay, so now we know that I’m cheap, impatient, and smart (at least about who I married).

Cut to this morning around 11:00 a.m. Picture me (well you don’t have a picture of me but picture some girl) all sweaty after doing intervals on the stairs at they gym. Pulling into my garage…to find….water pouring out the bottom of my water heater.

Yes, our water heater is in our garage. Don’t ask. I’d rather not get into the logic of where our builder put things in the house.

Anyway….water leaking out of the water heater….Tommy on a trip to Buenos Aires….and….I’m pretty freaked out.

So, I moved into military spouse mode. This is the mode where I realize I’m going to have to fix it myself because I don’t have family in town and my husband is in another country. So…I moved into action.

Into the car I jumped, wallet in hand. Off to The Home Depot. Because there are guys there. Guys that are supposed to know what the hell they’re doing – or at least more than I do.

There was only one guy around the plumbing area…and did I mention that THERE WAS WATER POURING OUT OF THE BOTTOM OF MY WATER HEATER AND THE WATER WAS STILL ON? So clearly I was in a hurry and less patient than my usual impatient self. So I ask this guy that’s very overweight, pasty white and with glasses and soft hands (basically a guy that doesn’t look like he’s ever actually fixed anything at all himself….ever) how to fix the problem.

The guy takes me to the water heater section and smartly hands me a replacement drain valve. He tells me I need to take the half of the drain valve which is still attached to the heater (other half has mysteriously screwed itself off the end and is nowhere to be found – yes I do have certain neighbors that might have “borrowed” it for themselves…we won’t go there), drain all the water out, and then put some Teflon tape on the end of the replacement spout and twist it in.

I told him there were no threads in the pvc spout. He didn’t listen. More about that later.

On the way home I had to call Argentina for an assist from Tommy to find out how to turn the water off and where the pipe wrench was. Yeah, Tommy, for answering your phone and telling me where stuff was.

Cut to two and a half hours and one trip to McDonald’s later, and the water has finally drained completely.

I dutifully dry out the end of the spout, wind Teflon tape around the replacement drain spout…and….THE DAMN THING DOESN’T FIT!!! I told the guy, but no….he didn’t listen. I should have known not to trust a Home Depot guy that looked like he had never actually worked on anything himself a day in his life.

Off I went back to Home Depot with my wrong part….and this time I took the half of my original drain spout valve that’s still in tact with me. And….YEAH!!!! I find a guy who looks like he’s older than dirt and been in the sun his whole life. He has tattoos all over his forearms and rough, working man’s hands. I tell him what my problem is. He takes me over to the PVC area, pulls a spout with a red valve on one side of it out of a bin, and screws it onto my drain spout half. He tells me to put those two parts together first, and then put the whole thing on my water heater together with Teflon tape.

10 minutes later…my broken water heater drain spout was fixed!! An hour later, I finally got my shower.

And now….I am a trained and certified broken water heater drain spout fixer.

That is all.

If you’re going to turn the volume on your pool speakers up so high that your neighbors can’t carry on a conversation in their yards without yelling….YOU OUGHT TO GET BETTER TASTE IN MUSIC!!!!!

Seriously……Nichelback and all other forms of loud, scratchy, screaming, yelling bad music? That’s your idea of “good”?

You have managed to ruin the only sunny afternoon we’ve had in the past month.

Thanks a lot, jerks.

** UPDATE** It started raining again. There’s thunder and lighting and everything. Ha, ha!!! That’ll teach em!